DNR

Mountains and Molehills-The Bug

DNR: Do Not Resuscitate

I say it upfront: Vital Signs must stay dead.

When Pakistani Pop Music (www.pakistanipopmusic.co.uk) reported recently that,”…Vital Signs have entered the studios to record a new album. This time it’s going to happen for real..There is no 4th band member. One leading Pakistani guitarist will play all guitars.. A new single will release first followed by the album,” I just thought that it was another leaked piece of misinformation by one of the band members seeking to give some push for their own solo project and/or by some other member in the band attempting to get some more unwarranted attention.

But then sure enough they showed up on IM. I guess they were too much of a good thing, nay, too much of a good commercial thing, to stay dead. True to form they first showed up for a Pepsi show. At least one cannot fault their bran loyalty: after all this was the band who turned their much loved Dil Dil Pakistan into the base Cola ad, Pepsi Pepsi Pakistan. It was pity though that for all the professed love for their fans and followers they preferred to primp out for a host of corporate uncles in suits. Speaking of corporate uncles, they were all over IM too, the channel that has now become the purveyor of all things commercial these days. Maybe, a Super Vital Signs Pehalwaan promotion is in the offing, with a Kaun Banega Maulvi, IM Detested featuring Vital Signs with nasal Anoushey and Hamari Marzi (JJ Darzi) soon to follow thereafter.

Actually seeing Vital Signboards (everything’s for sale) together recently for their first performance was rather jarring. It was sort of sad like seeing a bad version of Mohammad Ali Shaiki coming out of the mothballs to sing recently. The performance itself was like seeing a corporate dummy being shocked back to life rather than a living vital being coming up again. Time too has done them no favors: where in God’s name did Shahi’s hair go? JJ, the man, of course never had a problem with hair, sprouting breads at will and going clean shaven as often as needed: he did look good in his beard. Pity, his innate awkwardness was still there too. The way the Band answered questions thereafter was akin to a fat hippo prancing through a minefield. The worst bit of the reunion seems to be that they have let the best VS member go: Rizwan-ul-Haq was undoubtedly the human heart of the band. It was he who memorably acted the fool (drinking Pepsi in an aabshaar and getting ill, rising a cycle clumsily in Khamosh Ho) among the other prima donnas on Guitar 93. With him gone, VS remains host to insufferable poseurs.

The performance too was not all that together. Rohail seems to have moved to guitars to fulfill a need to be seen. The VS attempting to impress with their interviews that went with the show even made it all the more insufferable. Dino Man kept asking people what Vital Signs meant to them (Bapkus to me! They did have some good easy listening songs though). The funniest bit was when Dino asked Strings-man Bilal whether he was surprised that Vital Signs had come back? And Bilal said, ?No, I knew it already”. More likely he knew the mercenary attitudes of the band. And what sort of a question is it to be asking grown men and women especially ones that are artistes themselves, what Vital Signs means to them? Did he expect them to get all teary eyed and say, ?I love them; they inspired me to make music” (did VS ever inspire anyone?) and are they the best band ever? Yet, when put on the spot, various people managed to stave off the question and be diplomatic. While it appeared that they wanted to say, ?VS means bumpkins to me, I am just here to please my new sponsor,” most of them smiled and mouthed lame compliments. Dino-at least he tries-undeterred soldiered on clueless with all other artists.

The most troubling downside of this VS reunion also seems to be what it might mean for poor Aaroh who for a bit were Pepsi’s apple of the eye. Is it goodbye for them? After all one can only have one true love (bugs can of course have several) and Pepsi already has Strings to fawn over as well as no. 2
Lastly coming back to the Pakistani Music blurb: I wondered who the guitarist mentioned in it was and was shocked to find out that the leading guitarist supposed to play with VS is Asad Ahmed of Karavan. I guess Asad will do absolutely anything to get away from actually performing with Tanseer Dar in Karavan. I mean who wouldn’t? Tanseer can email me to jam at kiramakora@hotmail.com. All of you others can get in touch with me at the same address to get free MP3 copy of ” Why do all my band mates keep leaving me?” which I will get Tanseer to sing on.

(Published in Sunday Magazine, Daily Times. 29.06.2003)